Von, Two, Three, Four!

Last Monday I celebrated a very special day. It's probably a day none of you have ever even given thought to. That day was my 10,000 day birthday. Yes, I had been keeping track of the total days I've been on this earth, and I have to say I am damn proud of being 10,000 days old. Actually, 10,005 days old as of tonight.

In a numbers based society, where those with the highest salary, biggest house, fastest car and most massive breasts get all the fun, one can feel rather inadequate. I have a low salary, a 50m2 apartment, no car, and, thankfully, no massive breasts. If I'm judged based on numbers, then I sure as hell don't add up to much in the eyes of the elite. Even in my cowboy boots, I barely flirt with 5'9", I've never climbed a mountain that was more than 4,000 meters, and, compared to most of my friends in Turkey, I really only speak one and 3/4 languages. So I've learned to take pride in more obscure numbers. No longer am I only 27. I'm freaking 10,000 days old. So back off.

I suggest you do the same. Calculate your day age (don't forget to take leap years into account), and you'll seriously feel a welling pride in legitimate accomplishment. If you're going bald, actually sit down and count every single hair on your head so that the next time someone tells you you're going bald, you can say, "Screw you, I have 73,253 individual hairs. And that's just on my head!" If you are unfortunate enough to speak just one language (that is, if you are American) you should instead boast that you know a grand total of 15,000 words, which you can shuffle around to create an infinite amount of syntactically correct sentences. And if you make only $2,700/month like I do, you should probably tout your monthly salary as 270,000 cents. Better yet, convert that $2,700 to Zimbabwe Dollars and suddenly you're a goddamn billionaire (the figure comes out to $67,500,000,000 ZWD, which is more than Bill Gates's total worth).

Indeed, all those numbers being thrown in your face like countless grains of sand can really bring you down. But remember that it's all a matter of perspective. Once you understand this, then you'll be more inclined to look on the bright side of life. Happy counting.